12 Days of Tweeto-in-Chief

On his first day in office, the Donald gave to me: a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

On his second day in office, the Donald gave to me: a ban on same-sex love and a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

On his third day in office, the Donald gave to me: racist white men, a ban on same-sex love and a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

On his fourth day in office, the Donald gave to me: Russian computer nerds, racist white men, a ban on same-sex love and a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

On his fifth day in office, the Donald gave to me: Mike Pence’s collection of cock rings!, Russian computer nerds, racist white men, a ban on same-sex love and a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

On his sixth day in office, the Donald gave to me: six oil pipes-a-spraying, Mike Pence’s collection of cock rings!, Russian computer nerds, racist white men, a ban on same-sex love and a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

On his seventh day in office, the Donald gave to me: seven pussies for grabbing, six oil pipes-a-spraying, Mike Pence’s collection of cock rings!, Russian computer nerds, racist white men, a ban on same-sex love and a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

On his eighth day in office, the Donald gave to me: 8,000 maids for deporting, seven pussies for grabbing, six oil pipes-a-spraying, Mike Pence’s collection of cock rings!, Russian computer nerds, racist white men, a ban on same-sex love and a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

On his ninth day in office, the Donald gave me to: nuclear threats to Beijing, 8,000 maids for deporting, seven pussies for grabbing, six Exxon pipes-a-spraying, Mike Pence’s collection of cock rings!, Russian computer nerds, racist white men, a ban on same-sex love and a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

On his tenth day in office, the Donald gave to me: Kushner and Ivanka creeping, nuclear threats to Beijing, 8,000 maids for deporting, seven pussies for grabbing, six Exxon pipes-a-spraying, Mike Pence’s collection of cock rings!, Russian computer nerds, racist white men, a ban on same-sex love and a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

On his eleventh day in office, the Donald gave to me: eleven blonde surrogates, Kushner and Ivanka creeping, nuclear threats to Beijing, 8,000 maids for deporting, seven pussies for grabbing, six Exxon pipes-a-spraying, Mike Pence’s collection of cock rings!, Russian computer nerds, racist white men, a ban on same-sex love and a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

On his twelfth day in office, the Donald gave to me: an autocratic kleptocracy, eleven blonde surrogates, Kushner and Ivanka creeping, nuclear threats to Beijing, 8,000 maids for deporting, seven pussies for grabbing, six Exxon pipes-a-spraying, Mike Pence’s collection of cock rings!, Russian computer nerds, racist white men, a ban on same-sex love and a dead Lorax clinging to the last tree.

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